So: I did in fact promise actual content the other day, and here’s what I came up with.
A while back I wrote about a mental image I had, about the sticky, spiky stuff in my head. And now I want to write about another one.
I always imagine myself as broken. (I don’t, in fact, know whether this is true or not. But it’s my image of myself.) Specifically, I think of myself as wounded. And when I think of this wound, I come up with a very specific image: the wound is in my lower chest and upper belly, large and diamond-shaped, cutting across my solar plexus.
Yeah, fucking right it’s bleeding.
It’s one of those wounds that is so raw that I can’t bear to touch it. Or even have anything near it. Even though I know bandaging it would probably be good for it and prevent it from getting worse – and that walking around with it exposed for the world to see is unattractive, and probably scares or disgusts a lot of people who might want to be near me.
Funnily enough, that sentence makes me think of all the people who want to be near me anyway, who don’t seem to be pushed away by my obvious, bleeding wound. And it makes me wonder if I would want to be near those people who can’t manage cope with my pain.
Then I get reminded that I don’t do so well dealing with anyone else’s pain, and consider whether wanting people to sit with my pain when I can’t sit with theirs makes me a hypocrite.
There’s another thing that struck me about that mental image – which may be a sign that I’m spending too much time with the wacky woo-woo folks, or may be a sign that I’m getting a little more comfortable with my own wacky, woo-woo side.
Solar plexus: isn’t there a chakra around there?
So now I’m looking up the solar plexus chakra on Wikipedia, because that’s always the first place I go for my information.
Interesting stuff that comes up here.
Dynamism, energy, and willpower: all things that I find problematic and scary. Fire (passion?) – problematic and scary. Digestion, which I definitely have some trouble with, and also the feet, which also have their issues.
I don’t know much about chakras, and I don’t really know what it means when it says a chakra has ten petals – but the list of petals certainly speaks to me. Thirst, jealousy, treachery, shame, fear, disgust, delusion, foolishness and sadness. Funny, that list kind of sums me up.
So I’m wondering now if I could play with that.
Comment zen.
I’m totally borrowing this concept from Havi Brooks – but try as I might, I can’t find the blog post where she talks about it! Suffice to say, I don’t really have a comments policy, but I want to go ahead and ask for what I would like. And what I wouldn’t!
I really don’t want advice, or to be told what I should be exploring next on the basis of this information.
But I would love any resources or information that you have on chakras in general, or on the solar plexus chakra in particular.
Plus: stuff you’re thinking about. Or little revelations you’ve had about yourself recently.
I might even post again tomorrow!
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh Lucy, I’m so sorry for this wound you have. Ouch!
This is the chakra I have been working with this week. The way I see it, this is the seat of your personal self-power. (But I am no expert.)
Books on chakras I particularly like include Eastern Mind, Western Body by Anodea Judith and Wheels of Life, also by Anodea Judith.
You also might check out Bridget Pilloud’s Web site at um, Ok, hold on, let me grab one that’s specifically about chakras. OK here: http://www.bridgetpilloud.com/blog/2010/01/the-energetic-body/
Things I am thinking about, in relation to chakras: how connected they are. How because of my excessive tendencies in my root chakra, I get a little stuck there, and then have a hard time…um, how to say?…moving the energy up? And at the same time, I am okay with the energy coming downward, but it seems to get stuck around my heart. So, yes, weak in the sacral (second) and solar plexus. Too woo-woo?
Things I am also thinking about: why do I try to read so many freaking books at the same time? I’m reading at least four on my kindle, and there are…looks…six stacked next to me on the desk here. …student of life, I guess.
Wow, what a powerful image! Thanks for sharing what came up when you explored it. Your thoughts about how your right people (in a sense, that’s what they are) aren’t turned off by your wound and your subsequent question regarding the reciprocity you feel you cannot give to others in pain were very interesting; there is great food for thought in there.
Your post reminds me of the problem I had with my solar plexus and ribcage last year (posted about it here), which in turn reminds me that I had been wanting to explore that thing (and my inner stuff generally) further. I haven’t done it in a really long time, for many reasons, good and bad, and it’s time that I get back to it. No later than yesterday, I was telling my gentleman friend that I couldn’t even hear myself think – I meant, not the superficial chatting that goes on in my head, but more the “what do I think/feel/want/need deep down inside” kind of thing. Your post provides me with one more source of inspiration to get back to taking time for this. Thank you, Lucy.
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