*snap!*

So one of my major obsessions right now? (Apart from the astrology thing, obviously.) Lego.

I love it. There’s something about the building and taking-apart and rebuilding that is weirdly, profoundly satisfying, and the sound of two block clicking together – *snap!* – is really pleasing. And I want to talk a little bit about why, possibly because I’m a crazy person. I’m certainly getting in touch with my inner 9-year-old boy.

One of my things is that I’m a total perfectionist, and at some point I’d like to write a post about that. Lego’s kind of the perfect hobby for a perfectionist. It has its moments of deep stress, when I just can’t find the piece I need, or I managed to put it together backwards or something, but there are many more moments of joy. And there’s nothing like having a plane or bike or car that, to all intents and purposes, I built myself.

Or a pirate ship, which is one of the lego kits I got for Christmas. A troll pirate ship. How cool is that?

It satisfies my perfectionist parts because, for the most part, it’s impossible to get these things wrong. Simply follow the instructions, find the right blocks and connectors, and you’re laughing. The hardest thing for me, as a person with no spatial awareness at all – one of the things that makes me think I might have Asperger’s Syndrome – is that sometimes I manage to put something on the wrong way around. It often takes me a little while to work out what the hell is wrong with this picture.

So there’s some wrangling with my limitations. And a chance to practice kindness to myself when I’ve made a mistake. (I don’t always manage that part, unsurprisingly.) At the same time, there are parts that give me a little bit of leeway with the perfectionist thing. Because there are somethings that don’t have to be perfect.

Like stickers. I don’t have the best manual dexterity in all the world, so getting stickers on straight is really hard for me. And there’s a certain amount of giving myself permission to let that part be imperfect. And sometimes there are doors that won’t close perfectly, or axels that stick. I have a tendency to beat myself up about that, but again – it gives me that chance to try to be as kind to myself as I can.

And there’s that absorption that comes with being completely involved with something. The hunting for bits and the building and the carefully following instructions. It really draws me in. That might be an autistic thing, too, the need for something that lets me shut out the world for a bit. In any case, I need it, and Lego is the thing that provides it, at least for right now.

It’s not expensive stuff (not the little kits, anyway), but I do find myself wishing that it was even cheaper so that I could buy more of it, and spend more time doing the Lego thing than I do playing World of Warcraft, which is my other obsession.

Not that I don’t love my favourite video game. But more variety in my obessions? That’s definitely a good thing.

Plus – it’s play. Play makes my heart a bit lighter, which is a good thing, especially in the midst of all the Stuff that’s going on for me. Depression, hard decisions coming up, various bits of ill health. Christmas. All the stressful stuff in my life right now needs some help from play, ’cause that makes it easier to deal with.

And that’s what it’s all about, right? Making stuff easier.

I hope so, anyway; that’s exactly what I need right now.

Tagged as: ramblings from my head, self friendship